Matter
by Rabidnar
Summary: Chloe thinks that if others understood her structure, they might understand her function.


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Other than Brittany Snow's autograph.  
**A/N: **This story has been sitting in my fanfic folder for months now. I just needed to finish it to make it go away. Unfinished works make me twitch.

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**Matter**

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_Days all bleed into one another, lately.  
My brain is strained,  
And I got no direction.  
Maybe we could pick up all the pieces off the ground,  
To this puzzle known for taking people down.  
- Mark Ballas_

* * *

Chloe Beale has always been the equivalent of white matter when it comes to Aubrey Posen - long regarded as passive tissue. Their freshman year of college, it already becomes obvious that her function in their relationship is not quite understood. She's taken aback by a fellow student in their Biology class (who she rarely talks to) whispering 'Why does she let that girl walk all over her?' as Aubrey does all the talking during a presentation they had done on ecosystems. To the outside world, Chloe seems almost like a bystander in the extraordinary events occurring all around her - whereas Aubrey is grey matter and plays the key role. For the entirety of their freshman year, to anyone on the outside looking in, Chloe simply exists as an insignificant attachment that is binded uselessly to Aubrey Posen. She is one of two components in a much bigger system - but she is the one that is largely ignored. To some, she is not even a separate identity. Chloe and Aubrey are a two for one package. Chloe knows should be offended - but the connection that she and Aubrey share is one that others should be jealous of.

Chloe thinks that if others understood her structure, they might understand her function.

'In tune' is what Chloe's mother called her when she was a toddler. She was outgoing and talkative, but never one of the kids in the limelight. She was a peacemaker among her peers - the one who gave her shovel to the crying kid in the sandbox because someone had taken his. She radiated sympathy and empathy from the moment her parents first began to teach her about how her actions affected those around her. She became a support system and an active communicator between those who couldn't quite understand their surroundings. Her actions were not heavily regarded by anyone around her; they were more interested in the neurons of the playground - whereas Chloe was primarily just the mortar who seemed to hold everything together.

But Chloe's father tells her that she is an important - and Chloe's father is an honest man, so he must be right. And because of this, Chloe doesn't mind if others don't realize the role that she plays. She is the support cell of her relationships - a glial cell that produces myelin. People who protect are just as important as those who put themselves out there and need protected.

Chloe's sophomore year is like the seventh book of Vesalius's _De Humani Corporis Fabric_a. She and Aubrey begin to take different classes related to their majors - and Chloe is regarded as a distinct person for the first time. But don't get her wrong, her function in her friendship with Aubrey is still misunderstood. People make the assumption that it is purely mechanical - that she only serves to maintain and protect Aubrey. She understands why people think that it is a one-sided relationship. The brain is made up of mainly grey matter - and the world is made up of people who are mainly its equivalent. Chloe's kind is rare, and often goes undetected (or maybe just used and uncared about). Chloe knows what it's like to be actually be walked all over. The pro of being friends with Aubrey is that, contrary to popular belief, Aubrey is as conscientious of Chloe's personality and feelings as someone like Aubrey can be - and, therefore, Chloe doesn't mind being her support system.

Aubrey Posen is about as grey as grey matter can get.

Chloe finds her fascinating.

Aubrey consists of many layers - ones that other people don't really know how to peel apart. Because Aubrey's layers are not stacked neatly one on top of the other. Chloe finds out very quickly that the moment she thinks she has figured out something about Aubrey and can move onto the next layer, more is added to her previous knowledge. For instance, Chloe thinks that she finally understands why Aubrey is so controlling when she realizes that Aubrey's father is a sergeant in the military. But then she catches Aubrey stress-vomiting and it becomes apparent that Aubrey also 'controls' because she needs a sense of calm and stability (something that Chloe is good at providing). So Chloe steps in, and she continues to uncover Aubrey Posen. Aubrey is not what everyone seems to think.

The two of them begin to work together.

Aubrey is intelligent. She excels in thinking, calculating, and logic. But her ability to communicate can use some work. That's where Chloe comes in. She controls the signals that Aubrey shares and makes sure that Aubrey plays nice with others. Aubrey is like a computer, and Chloe is like a network cable that connects her to other computers. In return, Aubrey appreciates what Chloe does for her. Although it's often only apparent behind closed doors, because Aubrey has a very high need for importance coupled with a very fragile sense of pride. That's okay. Chloe knows that Aubrey regards her as important. She knows because she's the only one Aubrey allows close enough to peel apart her layers. If the glances that Aubrey steals from her (from looks of excitement to a need for reassurance) aren't enough proof of that, Chloe doesn't know what is.

If Aubrey actually came right out and told her that she was important, Chloe might begin to doubt it. Or she would be concerned for Aubrey's very shatterable layer of self-importance. Aubrey is a woman of action, not words. It's a good thing that Chloe is a firm believer of actions speaking louder than words. Plus, it's Chloe who is meant to be the woman of words in their relationship.

But compared to Aubrey, Chloe is less likely to be what she's meant to be.

The problem with Chloe is that white matter is vulnerable to diseases and injuries. The prognosis and treatment of these vulnerabilities are not always simple. It takes time to assess the cause, process, location, degree of seriousness, and course of development of whatever manages to lodge its way into her system. And because many disorders of white matter affect grey matter, it's Aubrey who takes the focus. Chloe is left fighting to heal both herself and Aubrey - alone.

Not everyone understands what how a hit to the white matter can actually affect grey matter. Actually, Chloe isn't sure anyone understands.

Motivation. Demeanor. Executive Function. These are just a few things white matter is good for. Abnormalities in white matter can be connected with a wide array of emotional disturbances. The causes behind this category of disturbances are vague because the white matter's function in the brain as a whole is much less clear than the grey matter's purpose. Emotional disturbances are also notorious for having multiple causes. But an abnormality in Chloe can have a catastrophic effect on Aubrey.

This is what happens senior year. Beca Mitchell cuts through Chloe with a razor sharp scalpel. Or maybe Beca is more like Hydrocephalus - putting pressure on the brain. For awhile, Chloe worries that her lifespan may be coming to an end. The aging brain is characterized by a diminution of white matter. It's as though someone cuts the wire to Aubrey's telephone yet still expects her to pick up the receiver and be able to communicate. Even Chloe, so caught up in the vulnerability caused by Beca, forgets her connection to Aubrey.

The Bellas are puzzled by Aubrey. They toy with her fixtures, switches, and outlets, but not once can they determine how she works. Chloe remains a disconnected wire, unseen behind a thick wall. She keeps trying to stuff herself in Beca's outlet, a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. It causes a power failure, and suddenly everything for Chloe is dark. She doesn't even know where she's trying to fit anymore. It's not until the Bellas push Aubrey's buttons one too many times and cause an electrical fire that nearly burns them all down that Chloe realizes she's just been trying to plug herself into the wrong person. Sometimes, actually, most of the time, the disturbance in their function is really that infinitesimal.

Fixing it becomes a much bigger deal.

A prognosis must consider how much damage has been done, if it's chronic, and if there are any coexisting problems.

But, fortunately, an important factor in white matter is that some damage can be mild and reversible. The prognosis is more optimistic if Chloe is the one with the vulnerabilities and the damage. In many white matter cases, full recovery is expected after withdrawal from the toxin if nothing has been permanently damaged. And even with damage, substantial recovery is still possible if nothing has been completely destroyed.

So Chloe withdrawals from the toxin.

She doesn't withdrawal from Beca.

She doesn't withdrawal from her taste in music.

Most importantly, she doesn't withdrawal from _anything_ that makes her who she is.

She withdrawals from a small lesion - a constant desire for grey and white matter to be understood separately.

After all, what's the importance of understanding two kinds of tissue if you never take a moment to appreciate the intricate ways they combine.


End file.
